Episode 20 | 在中国用Tinder是什么体验？

Joanne 00:08


Hello大家好。欢迎大家来到我们的瞎扯学中文。今天我们来请嘉宾自己介绍一下自己。 Hello everyone. Welcome to our Chinese language class. Today we’re going to ask our guests to introduce themselves.


Sissi 00:18


大家好，我是上次来过的Sissi，我是Joanne的好朋友，我们应该是研究生的同学。 Hi everyone, I’m Sissi who was here last time, I’m a good friend of Joanne’s, we’re supposed to be in graduate school together.


Joanne 00:27


对上一次Sissi跟我们讲了她在深圳工作以及深圳这座城市的一些事情。 For the last time Sissi told us a little bit about her work in Shenzhen and the city of Shenzhen.


Sissi 00:36


对的。 Right.


Joanne 00:37


然后今天Sissi刚才跟我说他今天上午出去约会了，所以我今天就想跟Sissi能不能聊，稍微有一点点怎么说 personal 隐秘的话题，来聊一聊这个在中国怎么用约会软件，或者说大家现在在中国怎么样认识新的朋友。 And then today Sissi just told me that he went out on a date this morning, so I just wanted to talk to Sissi today, a little bit about how to talk about personal, covert topics, to talk about how to use dating apps in China, or how people are meeting new people in China now.


Sissi 01:04


可以，不过我觉得我的profile应该算是就是像中国北上广深这种白领青年还是比较普遍的一个现象，是因为中国现在有996大家工作时间非常长，然后年轻人也很少，有时间会出去认识新的朋友，然后但是中国的传统的家庭观念还挺强的，就是我们父母这一辈会很关心个人问题。 I can, but I think my profile should be considered is like China’s North, Guangzhou and Shenzhen this white-collar youth or more common a phenomenon, because China now has 996 we work very long hours, and then young people are very few, there will be time to go out to meet new friends, and then the Chinese traditional family concept is still quite strong, is that our parents this generation will be very concerned about personal issues.


你什么时候（催婚）。对，所以为了结婚的话就需要去谈恋爱，然后为了谈恋爱你就要多认识，多认识一些异性朋友，然后才会有这种可能性。啊对。 When are you getting married (push you to get married) Right, so in order to get married then you need to go to a relationship, and then in order to fall in love you need to meet more, more friends of the opposite sex, and then there will be this possibility.


Joanne 02:03


所以我觉得其实在中国不通过约会软件的话，我自己的感觉其实挺难认识异性朋友的，因为你说你周一到周五甚至星期六的时间，周末的时间都和同事在一起，其实在中国的话怎么样才能够认识更多的异性朋友，所以我觉得现在越来越多的人开始用约会软件，而且大家对约会软件的整个认知也不像以前那么的负面，你觉得？ So I think it’s actually quite difficult to meet people of the opposite sex in China without dating apps, because you’re with your colleagues from Monday to Friday and even on Saturdays and weekends, so how can you meet more people of the opposite sex in China? I think more and more people are using dating apps and the whole perception of dating apps is not as negative as before, do you think?


Sissi 02:38


我觉得是这样子的，其实我也是年最近两年才开始用约会软件，一个原因就是其实在之前可能在北京的时候，甚至是之前在比如说英国澳大利亚的时候，其实身边有很多的朋友，然后相对而言工作学习也没有那么的也没有那么的忙碌，所以的话就会有蛮多机会去认识新的人。 I think it is like this, in fact, I also started to use dating software only in the last two years, one reason is that in fact, when I was in Beijing, or even in the UK and Australia, for example, I actually had a lot of friends around me, and then relatively speaking, I was not so busy with work and study, so I would have a lot of opportunities to meet new people.


但是确实自从来了深圳之后，发现就像你说的能够认识新的朋友的机会特别的少，然后再加上我其实也是在上了约会软件之后，才消除了自己之前会有一些的刻板印象，就会觉得说因为有很多人之前的刻板印象，其实是说约会软件，比如说像Tinder，然后像中国的陌陌，探探之类的是用来就是约炮， But indeed since I came to Shenzhen, I found that as you said, the opportunity to meet new friends is particularly low, and then I actually got on the dating software to eliminate some of my previous stereotypes, and I think that because there are many people’s previous stereotypes, in fact, dating software, for example, like Tinder, and then like the Mo Mo, Tan Tan and so on is used to It’s about one night stsand


Joanne 03:42


对，这是一个很重要的词汇，可以给大家重点解释一下。刚才就说一夜情，一夜情其实挺好理解的，就是一个夜晚的感情，就是英文的one night stand，一夜情，约炮就是Booty Call。 Yes, this is a very important term to explain to everyone focus on. Just now on the one-night stand, one-night stand is actually quite understandable, is a night of feelings, is the English one night stand, one-night stand, dating is Booty Call.


是因为怎么说，在中文也有很多这样的委婉语，相当于用比较委婉比较不直接的方法来描述一个比较不好意思的现象。 “炮”其实在中文……我希望我这期节目不要被敏感词Censure 掉啊。“打炮”在中文其实就是发生性关系的意思，have sex对，但是在年轻人当中很少，我们会说发生性关系，也不会说做爱之类的，所以大家一般比较通俗的说“打炮”。然后呢，“约炮”就是你为了就是have sex，然后你跟人家约会，对吧？或者约一个，所以叫约炮。 It is because how to say, in Chinese there are also many such euphemisms, equivalent to a more euphemistic and less direct way to describe a more embarrassing phenomenon. “Pao” is actually in Chinese …… I hope I don’t get sensitive words Censure ah in this issue. “Yue Pao” in Chinese is actually the meaning of having sexual relations, have sex , but among young people, we very seldom say the word “having sex” and so on, so we generally say “Da Pao”. Then “Yue Pao” means having a date in order to have sex.


然后我刚才想说，其实我也是好多年前，就虽然是中国最早的一批可能开始用约会软件的，因为我们其实都在国外受过教育，所以我觉得我们对这个事情看得还比较开，但是像五六年前的时候，中国那个时候就只有Tinder, 然后还有陌陌和探探，所以其实当时的名声是挺不好的，我在Tinder上遇到过几个男生，当时比如说我们开始约会了，出去跟别人介绍，别的朋友会问说你们是怎么认识的，被问到这种问题的时候会很不好意思说我们是在约会软件上认识的，所以当时是有很明显的这么一种不好的刻板印象。 Just now I wanted to say that I was actually one of the first batch of people in China who started using dating software many years ago, because we were actually educated abroad, so I think we are still relatively open to this thing. But like five or six years ago, China was only Tinder, and then there was Mo Moand Tan Tan, so actually the reputation at that time was quite bad. I met a few guys on Tinder. I’ve met a few guys on Tinder, at that time, for example, we started dating, and when we went out to introduce ourselves, they would ask how you met, and when they were asked such questions, we would be embarrassed to say that we met on a dating app, so there was a very obvious bad stereotype.


Sissi 05:36


是的。对其实我都记得像有一些人的他的就在Tinder的profile上会说，如果假设说我们之间有了深入的关系，如果别人问起的话，我们就说我们是在图书馆或者是在教堂认识的。 Yes. Yeah, I actually remember like some people’s profile on Tinder would say, if hypothetically we had a deep relationship, if people asked, we would say we met at the library or at church.


Joanne 05:53


教堂！对，我觉得问题是在于说，如果没有工作，像当学生的时候，有很多聚会或者在朋友的聚会，局上面，朋友的局上就会认识其他新的朋友，这样比较自然的会认识新的异性朋友等等，但工作了以后就很少有这种机会了。 Church! Yeah, I think the problem is to say, if you don’t have a job, like when you’re a student, there’s a lot of parties or on top of your friend’s party or gatherings, whre you can other new friends, so it’s more natural to meet new friends of the opposite sex and so on, but after you work, you rarely have that opportunity.


Sissi 06:18


是的，你说的对，而且可能对，尤其是很多的其实工作岗位都是可能都没有说对外沟通会那么多，但即使是对外沟通的话，可能也会是一些客户的关系，很少会往那些方面去想，然后也不够有专业性。 Yes, you are right, and may be right, especially a lot of jobs are actually may not say that external communication will be so much, but even if the external communication, it will probably be some customer relations, rarely think about those aspects, and then also less professionalism.


确实其实工作时间一长的话确实很少，比如说下班之后，你还需要有自己的时间去充电，然后去休息。对，确实是很难的，所以约会软件是一个必然的趋势。 It’s true that when you work long hours, you still need time to to recharge and rest. Yes, it is indeed very difficult, so dating software is an inevitable trend.


Joanne 07:03


后来的话，反正就有越来越多的约会软件进入中国，他们也开始走一些不一样的路线啊，我觉得在在PR在公关方面，可能也他们很努力的去打造一个不是约炮软件，就和tinder区分开的这么一个形象，所以后来比如说在中国也有Bumble，有我用过的比较好的也有比如说Coffee meets Bagel在这样的软件上，大家会更加抱着一种交朋友的心态去认识新的朋友，不一定说我们认识了就奔着结婚或者奔着谈恋爱的目的去，或者奔着约炮的目的去，而是说我们只是出来见个面，我们可能会成为朋友这样。 Later on, more and more dating apps entered China, and they also started to take some different routes, I think in terms of PR and public relations, they probably also tried very hard to create an image that is not a dating app, which is different from tinder, so later on, for example, there are also Bumble in China, there are better ones that I have used, such as Coffee meets Bagel. The first thing you need to do is to get to know your friends, not necessarily to get married or to fall in love, or to get to know your friends, but to get to know them.


Sissi 07:50


对，其实包括像像很多就来深圳之后的很多女生朋友，我都是通过tinder或者帮我认识的。对，其实也是同样的原因，就是工作时间太长，所以需要有新的渠道去认识朋友，不管是说是约会还是只是找正常的大家去一起hang out，然后去放松的朋友，其实这都是一个新的渠道。 Yes, in fact, actually a lot of girls friends that I met after coming to Shenzhen, it is through tinder which helped me to meet them. Yes, in fact, the same reason is that the work time is too long, so I need to have new channels to meet friends, no matter it is for dating or just looking for somebody to go hang out together, and then go to relax friends, in fact, this is a new channel.


Joanne 08:22


你觉得在中国用约会软件和国外有什么区别。 What do you think is the difference between using dating apps in China and abroad.


Sissi 08:28


问住我了。因为其实我在国外还没有用过，对，但是我想，可能接下来真的只是猜想了，我觉得可能会每个城市，都有不同的叫什么demographic。人口结构对。我觉得可能我可以举一个也许可以借鉴的例子，就是有一次我有在回家乡的时候就回家看我父母的时候，在当时去刷tinder，因为我的家乡是一个内陆城市，也不是一线城市，所以所以也没有多少人，然后我又很Picky，所以其实左滑的人是非常多的。 Good question. Because I haven’t actually used it abroad, yeah, but I think. what I am going to say is really just a guess. I think there’s probably going to be a different demographic in each city. I think maybe I can give an example that maybe I can learn from, is that once I had in the home country when I went home to see my parents, at that time to brush tinder, because my hometown is a landlocked city, also not a first-tier city, so there are not many people, and then I am very Picky, so in fact I “left swipe” many people


对，可能在深圳在北京这些地方可以遇到说你觉得更也许有可能来电的人就会更多一些，我觉得可能反正像国外的话，肯定就是潜在的约会对象的，它的一些，叫什么，demographic，人口特征也会不太一样。 Yes, maybe in Shenzhen in Beijing these places can meet say you have some chemistry with. I think maybe if abroad I will also meet more potential dates. So it is related to demographic characteristics because they are all different.


Joanne 09:44


对，你刚才说会有一点Picky，我觉得中文可以说有点挑剔，或者你的眼光比较高，因为其实我特别理解，有的时候在上海或者北京一线城市，在这些社交软件上约会软件上，可以看到很多外国人，甚至有很多外国人会在上面，然后也会有很多的professional service，专业服务类的，比如说搞金融的，搞咨询的搞法就是律所这种特别多，然后比如说在深圳，我觉得可能像做startup的就会特别多，所以其实是符合城市的性格。 Yes, what you just said “being a bit Picky”, I think the Chinese can say a little picky, or your standard is relatively high, because in fact I especially understand, sometimes in Shanghai or Beijing a city, in these social software on the dating software, you can see a lot of foreigners, even a lot of foreigners will be on it, and then there will be a lot of professional service, professional service class, such as engaged in the professional service. such as financial services, consulting, law firms are particularly many, and then in Shenzhen, for example, I think it may be like doing startups will be particularly many, so in fact is in line with the character of the city.


Sissi 10:27


对对还有很多搞 VC的这种我一般都会右滑。我开玩笑的。 Yes, there are a lot of VC’s that I generally swipe right. I’m kidding.


Joanne 10:36


因为我现在有固定的男朋友了以后我就把它卸载了，但我有的时候，我也会想到有一当年在北京，我单身在北京一年的时候，真的是用了蛮多Tinder，然后我在上面中国人外国人都碰到过，我自己还挺喜欢的，因为我其实是很外向，很喜欢认识新的人，我是把它当成一个途径来认识新的朋友，然后说第一次约会，这是一个好问题。如果你第一次跟一个在约会软件上碰到的人约会出来，你会选什么地方？ I’ve uninstalled it since I have a regular boyfriend, but sometimes I think about the fact that when I was single in Beijing for a year, I really used Tinder a lot, and then I met all the Chinese and foreigners on it, and I liked it because I’m actually very outgoing and I like to meet new people, and I used it as a way to meet new people and say first dates. I use it as a way to meet new people, and then I say first date, which is a good question. If you were going out on your first date with someone you met on a dating app, what place would you choose?


Sissi 11:18


我其实很简单，我其实一般都会选吃的，就是饭店或者是咖啡店，其实基本上这两种地方，然后我会觉得既大家会比较放松，然后有的可聊，然后也不会说会拖很长时间，如果你真的就是有意说可能再多待一些时间的话，你也可以安排其他的项目。 For me it is actually very simple, I actually usually choose to eat, at a restaurant or a coffee shop, in fact, basically these two places, then I will feel that both we will be more relaxed, and then have something to talk about, and then will not say will drag a long time, if you really is interested in saying may stay some more time, you can also arrange other items.


对，就是“进可攻，退可守” 这样子。 Yes, so basically “equally valuable as a stepping-stone for offense or a strong point for defense”


Joanne 11:55


我我我同意，我一般都会选择在比如说下午4:00左右约咖啡厅，为什么我觉得这个是很有战略性的，你一般4:00喝咖啡，聊得好的话就聊一个多小时就聊到五六点钟，对吧？ I agree, I usually choose to meet in a coffee shop around 4:00 pm for example, why I think this is very strategic, you usually have coffee at 4:00 pm and talk well for an hour or so until 5:00 or 6:00 pm, right?


如果你感觉ok，你就可以说我们要不要一起吃晚饭，然后就可以继续，如果或者因为其实我觉得吃饭不是一个特别好的第一次约会的场所，因为吃饭有的时候会挺因为你要嚼东西，然后就觉得不是很有礼貌或者就有点尴尬，明白吗？（明白）所以咖啡厅就比较优美优雅，你就喝咖啡，不用手动手或者吃一些什么东西。 If you feel ok, you can say we want to eat dinner together, and then you can continue, because I actually think dinner is not a particularly good place for a first date, because dinner will sometimes be quite difficult, because you have to chew something, and then feel not very polite or a little awkward (yes yes I understand) so the cafe is more beautiful and elegant, you will drink coffee, without having to use your hands


Sissi 12:42


我学会了，我想起来我有一次跟一个男生第一次见面，然后我们就去吃披萨，这么想起来好像不是特别明智 I got it! I remembered I once met a guy for the first time and then we went for pizza, so it seems not particularly wise now that I think about it.


Joanne 12:55


大家可能以后熟了，可以说一起去吃pizza，或者最糟糕的可能就是去吃小龙虾这种，你知道你会吃的满手都很脏，肯定不太适合第一次或者是火锅什么的。 Yea I think maybe when you are a bit more familiar with each other, you can go grab a pizza together, but the worst might be to go eat crawfish like this, you know you’ll eat with your hands full of oil and messy, definitely not very suitable for the first time , or hot pot or whatever.


Sissi 13:10


是的。 Yes.


Joanne 13:11


但我有一次我在中国约会一个男生，我们第一次去看了脱口秀，脱口秀就是 stand up comedy在中国。 But one time I dated a guy in China and we went to a stand up comedy show for the first time


Sissi 13:21


对我觉得那也是非常好的，非常好的一种方式，但我觉得好的地方是在于起码说明你们俩有一个呃共同的爱好，然后在之后也可以讨论，但是可能在这个过程当中，你们可能不会有特别多的交流 Yeah I think that’s also very good, very good in a way, but I think the good thing is that at least it shows that you two have a uh common hobby and then you can also discuss it afterwards, but maybe in the process you might not have particularly much communicatio n


Joanne 13:49


对，所以可能会是看完脱口秀以后在一起一起喝咖啡或者一起吃个饭什么的，对是的，但特别逗，因为我记得当时我们看脱口秀，然后我们还坐在前排，后来就被脱口秀演员Cue到了，他就因为你知道就是现场的脱口秀，他特别喜欢问台下的观众说你们两个是从哪来的，你们是什么关系？当时正好就被问到了，然后我们就有一点尴尬，就说我们是第一次约会。 Yeah, so it might be after the talk show that we would have coffee together or have dinner together or something, yeah, but it was funny because I remember we were watching the talk show and we were sitting in the front row and then we got cued from the talk show actor and he, you know, because it was a live talk show, he especially liked to ask the audience on stage where you two were from, what was your relationship? It happened to be asked at that time, and then we had a little embarrassment, and we said we were on a first date.


Sissi 14:21


就有一种被迫就是当众揭示你们的关系的感觉。 There was a feeling of being forced to just reveal your relationship in public.


对，我想起来有一次当然这个就有点跑题了，也是也是在脱口秀当中就有人演员他就有Cue到当中的一对情侣，然后说你们得多久了？就你们约会多久，然后他们说5年了，然后然后，他们就演员就开始问什么时候结婚。 Yes, I remember one time of course this is a little bit off topic, also is also in the stand-up commedy show there is someone actor he cued a couple, and then said how long have you been dating, and then they said 5 years, and then, they started to ask when they were going to get married.


Joanne 14:55


真的太尴尬了，压力太大了。对是的，所以说有风险，第一次约会去看脱口秀有风险还是去咖啡厅比较明智？是的，但是像你今天早上约会，比如说你会选哪里，早上也是去咖啡厅吗？ It’s really so awkward, it’s so stressful. Yeah yeah, so there’s a risk, is it risky to go to a talk show on a first date or is it wiser to go to a coffee shop? Yeah, but like your date this morning, where did you choose to go? Is it also a café?


Sissi 15:16


早上是咖啡厅，对，而且我挑了一个离我们办公室很近的咖啡厅，然后本来是想说如果感觉好的话可以一起吃午餐，但是我感觉好像可能大家只能做朋友，然后我就后面就结束之后自己去。自己去点了一个外卖这样子。 In the morning it was a cafe, yes, and I picked a coffee shop that was close to our office, and then I was going to say we could have lunch together if it felt good, but I felt like maybe we could just be friends, and then I just went on my own afterwards. I went and ordered a takeaway by myself.


Joanne 15:42


你觉得为什么今天早上的这个人你不太喜欢或者没有火花？ Why do you think you didn’t like or have a spark with this person this morning?


Sissi 15:50


我觉得首先一个原因是其实是因为我觉得还是我比较慢热，可能我觉得每个人都有非常可爱的地方，但可能在第一次见面的时候，不管是由于对方很很可能有点紧张或者我有点紧张或者怎么样，可能不能够深入的了解到对方，可能在这个过程当中没有 moment，对对这个可能是一个原因。 I think one of the reasons is actually because I think I’m a bit slow, maybe I think everyone has a very cute place, but maybe in the first meeting, whether it’s because the other person is very likely to be a bit nervous or I’m a bit nervous or how, maybe not able to get to know each other deeply, maybe in the process there is no moment, yes this may be a reason.


另外的话其实我觉得对方的生活方式可能跟我的不是特别的叫什么compatible，怎么说？ In addition, I think the other party’s lifestyle may not be particularly compatible with mine, how to say?


契合，对就是般配。对可能我会脑补一些画面，我会想到说他之后会抱怨说你工作时间太久了，怎么都不陪我，这样子然后我就想不行。对会想很多。 The other thing is that I think the other person’s lifestyle may not be compatible with mine. I might imagine that he will complain that you work too long and don’t spend time with me, and then I will think no. Yes, I will think a lot.


Joanne 16:54


刚才那个词脑补，我反正也是一个挺有用的词，我们经常在日常生活当中用的脑补。就是大脑的脑，补充的补。其实就是想象的意思，但是脑补就是说自己在大脑当中有很多的想象，内心戏。 The word “brain addition” is a useful word that we often use in our daily lives. The word “brain” means “brain” and “addition” means “additional thoughts”. In fact, it means imagine, but “brain addition” means that one has a lot of imagination in the brain, inner drama.


Sissi 17:14


对，就会好像有一个他们叫什么thought bubble，你有一个好像漫画里面的人一样出现一个气泡，然后里面有很多的画面或者是吐槽之类的对。 Yes, it’s like there’s what they call a thought bubble, you have a bubble that appears like a person in a comic, and then there’s a lot of images or tweets or something like that.


Joanne 17:26


哈哈那今天这个话题跟Sissi真的是一聊就停不下来，约会的话题软件话题还真的是蛮有意思的，因为时间关系，我们的节目每一次都是15分钟20分钟，所以我们其他的内容就我们就留到下一期，希望大家继续关注，敬请期待我们下一期和Sissi继续聊关于约会的话题。拜拜。 The topic of dating software topic is really quite interesting, because of the time, our show is 15 minutes 20 minutes each time, so we will leave the rest of our content to the next issue, I hope you continue to pay attention, please look forward to our next issue and Sissi continue to talk about the topic of dating. Bye bye.