Episode 21 | 插播一则征婚广告

Joanne 00:01


哈喽大家好，欢迎大家来到我们的瞎扯学中文。今天继续上一期节目和Sissi 聊的关于相亲软件的话题。 Hello everyone and welcome to our Podcast. Today we’re continuing our conversation with Sissi from the last episode about dating apps.


我在北京刚才跟你说，也就是通过约会软件认识了几个人，但我有一个policy，我就是约约会，软件上面的男生出来，一定要在我认识他聊天不超过一个星期，我们一定要见面，真人见面。因为我特别受不了，就是在线上有的人聊得跟你很愉快，他也很幽默，但是有的时候见了面完全跟聊天的时候感觉完全不一样，然后我特别受不了，就是浪费时间 I just told you that when I was in Beijing, I also met a few people through dating software , but I have a policy — when I ask the guys from the dating apps, we cannot chat for more than one week. We must meet in person. Because I especially can not stand that sometime some people seem very agreeable when chatting with you online, very humorous, but then when you meet with him in person, the feeling is completely different from the online chat. This is something I really cannot stand, a total waste of time.


就有的人跟他聊了三个星期，然后一直因为种种原因见不上面，结果一见面又发现其实你不喜欢他真人，那就很浪费时间。所以我就说我后来给自己定的政策，就是我一个星期内一定要如果聊得好，就要赶紧见面。 Some people for example, I chatted with him for three weeks, and then for various reasons we could not meet each other. And finally after meeting, I found out that I don’t like his real person, which is a waste of time. So I said to myself that I set myself a policy — if I chat well with him within a week, we must need to meet.


Sissi 01:04


你 policy还蛮好的，我觉得我可以学起来。 You policy is pretty good, I think I can pick it up too.


Joanne 01:07


对，而且你说那个男生，如果他一个星期内都或者说一个半星期内都没有没有办法出来跟你见面的话，我觉得也不是很把你当回事不是很严肃，除非他正好这两个星期都在出差，但如果是这样的话，如果他是一直在出差，未来也会成为一个问题，你们可能会是异地恋或者对吧？ Yes, and you see, if the guy is not able to come out to meet with you within a week or a week and a half, I think it is not very serious, or he does not take you seriously, unless he happens to be on a business trip these two weeks. But if so, if he is always on a business trip, the future will also become a problem, you may be a long distance relationship, right?


Sissi 01:36


让我想起来，其实我可能不太一样，其实因为我本身就是，Joanne你是比较外向的，这个人我会比较内向，所以其实我还是蛮习惯于，就是说，大家可能有一段时间见不了面。比如说我我昨天见面的男生，但我这里需要声明一下，就是一一周见两个男生绝对是偶然现象，这不是故意的，不是每周都是这样子的，只是赶巧， This reminds me that actually I may not be quite the same in fact. Because I myself .. Joanne you are more extroverted, but I am a more introverted person so in fact I am still quite accustomed to not see each other for a period of time. For example, I I met the boys yesterday, but I need to state here, seeing two guys in the same week is absolutely accidental. This is not intentional. Not every week is like this. This week just happen to be like this.


我昨天也是见了这个男生，其实我们从可能去年我看了一下我们聊天记录，我们从去年12月份就开始就是就有在聊天，但是并没有说调情之类的，只是一个互相了解的这么一个交流，基本上就持续了，我看这都快一年了，然后他当时是在香港，然后后面他回国工作，然后昨天才第一次见面这样子。对，稍微有一点像见笔友的那种感觉。 So I met this guy yesterday, in fact, we from probably last year … let me look at our chat records, we started from December last year, but actually not really flirting, just increasing mutual understanding, exchange information, and this basically lasted.. let me see, almost a year. Because at that time he was in Hong Kong, and then after he returned to China to work, and then only yesterday we met for the first time. Yes, a little bit like meeting pen pals


Joanne 02:47


我的天，我觉得你这个战线拉的也太长了，然后聊天聊了9个月了才见面，你感觉怎么样？这个男生比如说。 My goodness, I think you’re protacting this war for too long, and then chatting for 9 months before meeting, how do you feel about this guy?


Sissi 02:59


这个男生我感觉还可以唉，所以可能会见第二次。 This guy I feel okay ugh, so maybe I’ll see him a second time.


Joanne 03:04


我觉得我的方法就是比较速战速决，比较讲效率，因为怎么说，我觉得不见面，我真的是碰到过，很多线上聊的和线下见面，感觉完全不一样的男生。 I think my approach is to be more quick, more efficient, because how to say, I really met a lot of situations where online chat and offline meeting feel completely different


Sissi 03:18


是为什么感觉不一样？是照片不一样吗？ Why does it feel different? Is it because the photos are different?


Joanne 03:22


不是倒不是说长相，有的人他聊天的时候很有趣，很幽默，但是somehow真人了以后只有没有那么有趣了，我也不知道为什么。 No, it’s not about looks, some people are funny and humorous when they chat, but somehow in person they are not that funny anymore, I don’t know why.


Sissi 03:34


有时候是会这样子的，对可能可能他就每一个人可能习惯表达的方式不太一样。当然还有一个原因就是可能你太漂亮了，你太可爱了，所以他见到你就会觉得很紧张。 Sometimes it’s like this, it’s possible that he may not be used to expressing the same way for each person. Of course another reason is that maybe you’re too pretty, you’re too cute, so he’ll feel nervous when he sees you.


Joanne 03:52


我觉得说到这里，我们的听众会不会开始脑补我们的长相？因为其实做potcast，大家就只会听到声音，从来没有见过照片。 I wonder at this point, will our listeners start to make up our looks in their heads? Because actually doing the potcast, people will just hear the voice and never see our photo


Sissi 04:04


嗯啊，我们都挺好看的. Yeah, we’re all pretty good looking.


Joanne 04:10


哈哈，谢谢你！（我也夸了自己）。所以你在找男朋友，来给你做一个征婚广告，现在我们的Podcast有200个人听也不少了。 Haha, thank you! （I also complimented myself). So now that you’re looking for a boyfriend, let’s do an advertisement for marriage for you, since now we have 200 people listening to our Podcast which is quite a lot.


Sissi 04:22


其中有一半的男性是吧？ half of them are men?


Joanne 04:26


可能所以请问一下你对男朋友的要求是什么？ Maybe so what are your requirements for a boyfriend?


Sissi 04:32


我说实话我还真是得想一下，但是从我过去失败的经历来说，可能首先我觉得一些最基本的标准的话，三观要非常的正， I honestly have to think about it, but from my past failures, I think the most basic criteria is to have good “three views”


Joanne 04:55


三观是什么意思？ What do you mean by “three views”?


Sissi 04:57


问住我了，是世界观、人生观和什么观？（价值观）你是怎么看这个世界的，然后你是怎么看待你的就是人生的，然后你觉得什么是好，什么是坏？我觉得这些非常基本的观点是就是是需要是非常契合的。 Haha this is a good question. It is the world view, life view and what view (value system view)? Yes, so bascially how do you see the world, and how do you see your life, and what do you think is good and what is bad? I think these very basic views are what is needed is a very good fit.


我觉得其他可能有助于相处的话，首先我觉得这个男生不管长得怎么样，我觉得身材要好，因为这个说明就是你有一个良好的生活习惯。 I think other things that might help get along, first of all I think the guy no matter what he looks like, I think the body should be in good shape, because this means that you have a good lifestyle habits.


Joanne 05:37


等一下，身材好的定义是什么？我觉得这个定义很不一样，有的人是觉得要有6块腹肌，要有马甲线才算身材好，我的话我就觉得无所我其实很不喜欢肌肉很多的男生，所以你的定义是什么？ Wait a minute, what is the definition of being in good shape? I think the definition is very different, some people think you need to have 6 packs, you need to have a vest line to be considered in good shape. Bur for me actually I don’t like guys with a lot of muscles, so what’s your definition?


Sissi 05:56


我的定义其实挺广泛的，就是我的审美很广，但是我觉得这个人要有一定的健身的，就是自己有在锻炼的痕迹，不管说他是可能就不要那种很可怕的肌肉，但是我觉得就是说你你这个人或者经常跑步，或者是说有在有意识的去锻炼自己的一些肌肉，有一些这样的痕迹，会让我看看得出来说，你这个人其实是有在注意自己的身体，有在爱惜自己。有很严肃的在对待自己的身体健康，然后还有我觉得这个也可以折射出来你在其他方面的其他方面的这些对自律，然后对我觉得还是可以看出来一些东西， My definition is actually quite broad, that is, my aesthetic is very broad, but I think this person should have a certain fitness, that is, they have signs of exercise, whether he has horrible muscles or not. But I think that means you are this type of person who often run, or makes a conscious effort to exercise some of their own muscles, . These signs will let me know that this person is actually taking care of their own body, seriously taking care of their own health, and then there is I think this can also reflect the other aspects such as self-discipline. So I think you can still see somethings from it.


然后还有其他的话，我觉得其实就是看相处过程中的一些看有没有火花，即使没有火花的话也可以成为朋友对吧？ And then there are other things, I think it actually depends on, during the process of getting along, whether there is a spark. But even if there is no spark, you can still become friends, right?


Joanne 07:05


但像你说的第一条是三观要正，你在约会的过程当中真的有碰到过三观不正的男生吗？我其实还挺好奇的，就是那些失败的例子真的是因为三观不正吗？ The first thing you said is that you have to have a good value system. Have you ever met a guy with a wrong value system in the process of dating? I’m actually curious, is it really failed cases because of that?


Sissi 07:20


我觉得是有遇到过，但是我没有跟他们出来见过面，因为在说话的过程中其实就可以感觉到，比如说有时候他跟你说话，就像昨天我最近在比较活跃，昨天有一个男生（哈哈哈） I think I have met them, but I have not met them out, because in the process of talking you can actually feel, for example, sometimes he talks to you, like yesterday I was more active, yesterday there was a guy (hahaha)


Joanne 07:37


没关系，我不会来评价你。 It’s okay, I’m not going to judge you.


Sissi 07:43


比如说昨天有一个男生，但加了微信之后，他可能，他就会非常希望，说马上跟我见面这样子，然后可能Joanne你不要多想，但是这个可能我会觉得… 因为我已经跟他说了，就是说我这周其实已经有安排了，我们下周见。然后他说，因为他当时是约我当天，然后他就说明天。然后我就觉得我觉得有点被push到，我就说我这周已经有安排了，下周可以吗？ For example, yesterday there was a guy. After adding WeChat, he would very much like to for example immediately meet with me. Joanne don’t think much about it, but this made me think….because I have already told him, that is, I actually have arrangements this week, we will see each other next week. And then he said, because he was asking me to meet that day, and then he said what about tomorrow. Then I think I felt a little bit pushed, I said I already have plans for this week, is next week okay?


然后他就直接问我说，所以你到底是结婚了还是单身？然后这句话其实就有点冒犯到我，因为我会觉得说这个人首先他非常的急于求成，毕竟我们虽然说大家说都有眼缘，但是眼缘就是说，我觉得你看到你的照片觉得还是挺好的，你看到我的照片也觉得挺好的，但其实本质上来说我们是一个陌生人的关系。别人可能会有其他的安排，你在发起邀约的时候，其实应该有预见到说别人可能会有其他的安排，像我可能约别人，我会尽量约说下周或者怎么样，然后对，然后这是第一点。 Then he asked me directly, “So are you married or single? This sentence actually offended me a little bit, because I would think that this person first of all he is very eager to get it done, after all, although we say that we all have eye contact, but eye contact is to say, I think you see your picture and feel quite good, you see my picture also feel quite good, but in fact, we are essentially a stranger relationship. Other people may have other arrangements, you should actually have foreseen that other people may have other arrangements when you initiate the invitation, like I may ask someone else, I will try to ask about next week or how, then yes, then this is the first point.


第二点我会觉得说他如果约别人，他就预期别人马上能被约到的话，我觉得这个人可能很闲，如果我约他当天他可能也有时间。然后第三点的话，真的我觉得他的问句太不礼貌了。 The second point I would think that if he asked someone else, he expected someone else to be asked immediately, I think this person may be very free, if I asked him the same day he may also have time. And the third point is that I really think his question is too rude.


Joanne 09:26


我同意，而且像约明天确实还挺少见的，他是不是平时都没什么事儿干？这个可以约着约到明天。 I agree, and it’s really quite rare to see a date tomorrow, does he usually have nothing to do? This can be about to be about to tomorrow.


Sissi 09:38


对，他其实是有约我当天的，然后太夸张了。对，然后而且这样子的话，我就会觉得说就一个人即使结婚了，他也可以有自己的时间，反正觉得我们的三观不合，我就把他拉黑加删除了，还挺爽的。 Yes, he actually wanted to see me that same day. That was too much. Yes, and then this way, I would feel like saying that even if a person is married, she can still have his own time. Anyway, I felt that our value systems are not compatible, so I blacked him and plus deleted him, which felt pretty good.


Joanne 10:00


我之前真的有碰到过三观不合的，主要在在女权在性别平等这一块，因为我真的碰到过约会的时候，男生说一些让我挺不舒服的话，比如说他会觉得女生应该相夫教子，女生应该待在家里或者怎么样。 I’ve really met people with different outlooks before, mainly on feminism and gender equality, because I’ve really met guys who say things that make me uncomfortable when I’m dating, like he thinks girls should just get married and stay at home , or something like this


Sissi 10:24


Ok你遇到这些可能跟你不是特别聊得来的男生，你会怎么去反应？ Ok how do you react when you meet these guys that you might not get along with?


Joanne 10:33


我一般就像你说的，在聊天的过程当中就可以感受到就不会约出来见面了。如果约出来见面的话，肯定是已经聊了，比如说三四天对我来说一个星期，然后我觉得ok这个人三观还比较正。 I generally like you said, in the process of chatting you can feel it will not be asked out to meet. If you want to meet, you must have already talked, for example, three or four days for me a week, and then I think ok this person three views is still relatively positive.


Sissi 10:49


明白是的，对，尽量会在聊天的时候就把一部分可能人去筛选掉，对。 I understand that yes, yes, try to filter some people out during the process of chatting


Joanne 11:02


反正这个约会软件就是一个大浪淘沙的过程，我是觉得它的量特别的大，但成功率对我来说我当时运气比较好吧，我可能聊10个能约出来见面。三四个我觉得。 The date software is a long process with many filters. I think it is a quantity game, but the success rate for me …. I was lucky at the time, maybe aafter chattingwith 10 people I will ask out 3 to 4 people out.


Sissi 11:19


所以我有点好奇是你会主动约男生出来吗？ So I’m a little curious is you would take the initiative to ask a guy out?


Joanne 11:25


我会。就刚才我说的，我会期待他在聊到一个星期左右的时候约我出来，这样的话他会至少问说你下个星期周末有没有空，如果他不约我就会问，如果我们两个星期都见不到他，我就会放弃。 I will. Just like what I said, I will expect him to ask me out when we talk for a week or so, so then he will at least ask if you are free next weekend. And if he does not ask I will ask, and if we do not see him for two weeks, I will give up.


Sissi 11:45


我还是有蛮多，还在这个叫什么，working progress怎么说的，但是聊天的线。 I still have a lot of… how to say it, working progress… threads of conversations


Joanne 11:55


其实你知道约会软件是很，怎么也说，浪费时间，是很耗精力的一个事情，因为你右滑那些你喜欢的like的男生其实蛮多的，所以就约会软件里，我的困惑，我的问题就是你会有很多的聊天的对话框，对吧？ Actually you know dating software is very, how to also say, a time consuming, very energy consuming thing, becausewhen you wipe right, those guys you like, there are actually quite a lot. So on the dating software…. my confusion, my problem is that you have so manychatting dialog boxes, right?


然后你如果要每一个人都maintain，每个人都要去维持对话，你每天其实要花很多的时间在跟人聊天上，我就很讨厌这个事情。所以对我来说我会很快的只有2~3个人聊，然后很快出来见面。如果说见面，一旦我觉得这个人ok，我就会暂时先停掉，所有其他的约会软件。我就不会右滑，然后先跟这个人发展试试，如果说这个人见了面不好，我就把它完全排除掉，继续再来聊，所以我就很讨厌一下子一直维持跟很多的人在聊天的。 And then if you want every single person to maintain, you actually have to spend a lot of time in chatting with people every day, and I hate this thing. So for me I will quickly filter down to only 2 ~ 3 people to talk, and then quickly out to meet. If we meet, once I think this person ok, I will temporarily stop first all the other dating software I will not slip again, and then try to develop with this person first. If it does not work out with hits person, I will completely exclude him and continue to chat again. So I hate that I have to maintain a lot of conversations at the same time


Sissi 12:53


我觉得你的策略还是蛮像一些男生的，据我所知，一些会认真去找女朋友的男生会这么去做。 I think your strategy is still quite like some guys, as far as I know some guys who are actually serious about finding a girlfriend will do so.


Joanne 13:05


对，如果你一直跟很多的人聊天，其实我觉得不是很认真，你就会养很多备胎的感觉，备胎，但其实就是backup的，对。 Yes, if you have been talking to a lot of people, in fact, I think not very serious, you will raise a lot of backup feeling, backup, yes


Sissi 13:20


对，但其实你可能也是别人的备胎，就是互为备胎的关系，对，是的，没错。 Yes, but in fact you may also be someone else’s backup, is the relationship of mutual backup, yes exactly that is correct.


Joanne 13:28


挺有意思的，这种社交软件，约会软件。 Quite interesting, these social software, dating software.


Sissi 13:33


是的对。然后但是在中国我觉得可能是一个中国现象，就是我去年刚刚开始用Tinder的时候，我之前也跟你有讲过是有就是杀猪盘，是一种骗局来的。 Yes right. And then in China I think it’s probably a Chinese phenomenon that I just started using Tinder last year, I’ve told you before, that there’s a kind of a scam that comes with it.


然后他当时，我会觉得说，为什么世界上会有跟我这么契合的男生，然后各种条件也很符合，然后后面这个男生开始就是，向我兜售一些其他男生，其他骗子给我兜售过的，什么数字货币对，然后聊天的时候也要小心，因为我知道新闻当中有一些人是被骗了的。 And at that time I thought, why in the world there could be such a perfect guy that is so compatible with me. All kinds of conditions met my requirement. And then this guy started to try to sell me… the things that other guys, other scammers also try to sell me… crypto currencies. Yes. So when you are chatting you also have to be careful. I saw some people got scammed from the news.


Joanne 14:17


对有一些诈骗的案例，在中国的社交网站上会骗你投资一些数字货币啊，加密货币等等。 Yes there are some cases of scams, on Chinese social networking sites will trick you to invest in some digital currency ah, cryptocurrency, etc.


Sissi 14:27


对是的，所以其实就是马上约出来见面，其实可以避免这种情况，因为骗子是不会跟你见面的。 Yes yes, so actually if you meet the guy right away, you can actually avoid the scams because the scammers won’t meet with you.


Joanne 14:35


对所以我觉得有一个度。你说的男生肯定有点极端，我不可能说跟你约了今天见面或者明天见面，但如果说你跟我聊了一个月，我们还是一直在聊天，我就会觉得太浪费我的时间和精力了。 Right so I think there’s a right degree. The guy you’re talking about is definitely a little extreme. It can’t be like I can ask you out to meet immediately today or tomorrow, but if we talk for a month and we are still talking all the time, I would feel like it was too much of a waste of my time and energy.


Sissi 14:53


明白，有道理。我回去就把我这些一个月没跟我说话的人全部删掉。 Understood, makes sense. I’ll go back and delete all these people I haven’t talked to in a month.


Joanne 15:02


好，我们是不是祝你在约会软件上（成功）… 或者在我的potcast，刚才列的征婚条件。哎，我们是不是应该把你的个人信息说，如果大家对Sissi感兴趣的话，请联系什么。 Ok, should we with you good luck on the dating app? Or in my potcast, you just listed your requirement for boyfriends. Should we put your personal information to say, if people are interested in Sissi, please contact blah blah.


Sissi 15:22


（哈哈笑死）或者你可以用什么tinder passport 去保证你的地理位置可以定位到深圳，然后当你滑到一个叫peppermint的女生，那就是我。 Or you can use tinder passport to make sure your geographic location can be located to Shenzhen, and then when you slide to a girl named peppermint, that’s me.


Joanne 15:33


但不行，我看到我们的听众朋友的地理位置都是世界各地，所以只能跟你异地恋了。 But no, I see our listener friends are geographically located all over the world, so it would have to be a long distance relationship with you.


Sissi 15:42


有缘千里来相会。 Well, if it is destined to be, we will meet each other even from a thousand miles.


Joanne 15:46


的，好谢谢，我们下一次再聊。 Yes, well thanks, we’ll talk next time.


Sissi 15:52


好的，谢谢Joanne，拜拜。 Okay, thanks Joanne, bye.